I am sure you have heard it, I can't manage one relationship, how can I manage two! This is why communication and trust is so essential when entering and lasting in the poly lovestyle. Building a solid poly relationship doesn't just happen overnight, it takes communication and understanding of the wants and desires as well as the consideration of each individual involved. There is a different dynamic and challenges involved in poly relations that you of course will not find in a traditional relationship. Lets talk about what to be aware of when getting involved in a poly lovestyle relationship.
Most people when entering into a relationship already have a predefined idea of what they want and then try to find someone to fit that idea. As individuals entering to a traditional relationship we meet someone who doesn't quite fit the shape of our idea but we can adapt and move forward in the relationship. Now enter a third or fourth person into this dynamic. As couples, especially when first starting the lovestyle, there is a tendency to fantasize together about what this ideal relationship will be then try and shape a person to fit that mold that is their idea or fantasy and when it doesn't work out it can be short lived. Every individual is complex and will each have their own desires that they will want to integrate into the relationship. Each person must have a voice, it is important to communicate and figure out what those desires are for each individual. Do not try to fit a round peg into a square hole, nobody grows in love the same way. Let the relationship develop naturally, do not try coerce or force the relationship to be what your predefined idea is.
Understanding the complexity of the relationships that you are now in, also means understanding that not everyone has the same needs. You should be seeking to have your relationship needs met in a way that is fulfilling to you. Fulfillment and happiness comes more easily when your needs are met. Worthwhile goals for your relationship would be to be fair and have compassion. With that said though, sometimes things don't work out the way you expected. It is all about finding that balance of trust, communication and compassion. Do not tally up your quality time with your partner, there will be times when one of you needs the extra support and knowing that it is available to all individuals in the relationship when it is needed, can be a comfort. With that being said, if you have a need that you feel isn't being met then talk to your partner or partners.
Addressing problems is seldom ever comfortable, this goes for any relationship poly or otherwise. However, it is in every ones best interest not to let small things slide. Within the dynamic of a poly relationship, openness needs to be your backbone. Learn to acknowledge when something is bothering you and take the time to yourself to understand what it is exactly that is bothering you. This way you can address it properly and to the correct partner or partners. Being open about things that are bothering you and being receptive when things are bothering your other partners, will compliment a comfortable, safe and supported environment.
Getting involved in a poly relationship will not fix your current relationship or marriage if you are having problems already. If your relationship is in turmoil already that means you are coming from a place without trust and communication. Therefore it will never work. It is also unfair to involve another person to bare witness to your relationship troubles. This goes both ways, if you are about to enter a relationship with a couple, pay attention to their behaviors and communication with one another. If the relationship is less then loving and open, then there is a chance that the relationship may not be what you are looking for. You would not want to get into a relationship were you end of taking the brunt of the blame or are constantly trying to help solve their issues for them. If you find yourself in a relationship like this it is important not to take sides. In a poly relationship, taking sides leaves on partner feeling ganged up on and this builds resentment and destroys trust.
Be true to yourself and seek what fulfills you in this relationship, know your limits and don't sacrifice your happiness for your partners. Understand that communication is key to a trusting, open and rewarding relationship among all of you.
If you are interested in the lovestyle, want a great place to start, meet others with the same mindset and read more articles Swingloves.com is the place to get involved.